The Power of Asking for Help

How My Core Values Led Me to Lean on Others

A few months ago, I discovered an exercise that became a powerful tool in challenging times: defining my core values and using them to guide difficult decisions.

Back in June, I had a health scare. It's behind me now, but that day, we found a lump on my pancreas—and I was terrified. It was the first time since my divorce that I faced a health issue without Seb, my ex, there to lean on. In the past, he would come home, reassure me, and be there without me having to ask.

Within minutes, I’d called my three best friends to explain the situation. Each of them responded with such empathy—two offered to come over immediately, and the third suggested a weekend getaway to clear my mind. My reflex, though, was to say, “No, I’m good, don’t worry.” Then I spent the next few hours feeling lost and alone, unsure how to handle my emotions. Looking back, I realize that’s my typical reaction when I’m scared or sad, but I hadn’t yet learned to recognize or accept my feelings in those moments.

The breakthrough came the next day when someone asked me how I’d feel if a friend didn’t feel comfortable asking me for help. The question struck a nerve. My top values are gratitude and authenticity, but the day before, I hadn’t honored either one. I defaulted to ‘strong, independent me’—the one who doesn’t ask for help, even when she needs it. I thought I could handle it alone, but deep down, I needed my friends there. In the past, I’d always had a partner to support me without asking, so it never felt necessary. Now, I realize it is necessary; being vulnerable and accepting help is okay.

Since then, I’ve practiced asking for and accepting support, even when it feels uncomfortable. I also try to be more authentic when something hurts me. Instead of just brushing it off, I tell people how their words or actions made me feel, hoping it might change things next time around. Living more fully through my values has brought a new sense of clarity, gratitude, and connection into my life—and, surprisingly, I feel even more empowered when I ask for help, as crazy as that may sound.