This article is part of a series of weekly pieces, written by me and other amazing women from the Ancolie collective. We share stories about motherhood, fertility, sustainability, and business. If you would like to receive our posts directly in your inbox, please subscribe below.
Welcome back to Real Talk! I took the summer off in France with my son, Hugo, and spent time mostly with family. Being back in my home country for two months was amazing and a great way to recharge my batteries. But I won't lie, it’s also really nice to be back in New York, my real home, with my dear husband!
Hugo is now at his nursery full-time, and I finally have time to write and work. I have to say, it is not easy to get back into it. I have spent a lot of time procrastinating and avoiding any work in the past few weeks. But here I am.
Trigger warning: If you are trying to get pregnant and/or are being triggered by pregnancy announcements, please stop reading this post now to protect yourself and see you next week. 💚❤️
I have great news to share, Seb and I are expecting a baby, due to arrive in February! The sex remains a surprise, as we did with Hugo, and we’re holding off until the delivery to find out. This pregnancy took 18 months of effort, 3 IUIs, changing my eating and workout habits, a lot of waiting and feeling desperately unsuccessful, but it finally worked!!
So, what happened?
Opening my heart and sharing how difficult the whole process was, helped me a lot. I knew that I wasn’t the only one, and a lot of new people reached out to share their own stories with me. Thank you for all the messages and your support. Some of my friends were also trying and struggling, and I had no idea. I felt part of a community and it meant the world to me. To all of you still trying, I am with you and I know how difficult it is.
I stopped worrying about how many months the kids would be apart. I wanted it to be around two years, like with my brother and me, since I thought that would be the perfect age difference. But then each month, I was thinking about it too much. Here is where having a new routine of eating well, exercising and doing meditation really helped. I started focusing more on feeling good in my body and accepting that the process would take time.
As I was writing my first article, I realized that after 4 trials of IUI, the chances of getting pregnant were close to 90 to 95%. Since I had already done 3 rounds, I knew that it was very likely that the next one would work. It was very reassuring. I always assumed that it would work the first time, since it did for Hugo, but the truth is, like for IVF it usually takes time and a few trials. If you are in the process, stay positive!
I made a plan. We would try on our own in May (more on that below), then we would do one more round of IUI in June (which was likely to work since the stats said so), then I would leave for the summer and start IVF in September if the two previous options weren’t successful. Since the beginning of the process, I didn’t want to go through IVF. I dreaded how long the process would take and I was scared of needles. I was envisioning having to go through another few months to retrieve my eggs and then try multiple transfers, while injecting myself daily. When I realized that I could do a transfer the same month as the retrieval and potentially be pregnant before the end of the year, it reassured me.
Coming back to trying on our own in May. Because I forgot/didn’t realize that my passport had just expired, I wasn’t able to go on an amazing trip to Mexico. I was really upset because I needed that vacation. I needed to take a break from spending so much time alone with Hugo, from trying to get pregnant and not finding the next chapter of my work life. Luckily, thanks to my amazing mother (merci maman!), husband and friends (Vero & Alex), they agreed to take Hugo without me! So I ended up taking a solo trip to LA to visit my dear friends Sarah and Fred while the others were in Mexico. I had such a BLAST! I was still hoping to meet the rest of the family in Mexico halfway during the trip and enjoy part of the beach fun. It was also during my fertile window so it would have been perfect for a sex on the beach session… but it didn’t happen since the new passeport only arrived a week after they got back. Staying focussed on our main story, as Seb got back to NY, it was the very last day of my window and I figured we would still try that night.
To our biggest surprise, it worked. As my periods were late, I didn’t want to get too excited and waited a week to take a pregnancy test. This time, we had only tried once at the end of the window, compared to the previous cycles where I couldn’t get pregnant with an IUI stimulus and extra sex during the whole fertile window. How could it have worked? We did a first test, that came back positive and Seb was super excited. It wasn’t super clear, because I used my new plastic free tests (of course I did) – all signs indicated a pregnancy but we were not 100% sure. Then, I took a blood test the next day, which confirmed that I was pregnant! We are now 4.5 months in, trying to stay cautious and hoping for the best. So far all the tests are positive and the baby is healthy.
I know every situation is different but here are my key takeaways. They might not be applicable to you, but I wanted to share what worked for me/us.
Take a break. At the end of the day, messing up my vacation and taking some time off from each other was exactly what we needed. Thinking about something other than my monthly cycle was amazing. Both Seb and I needed to get out of our daily routine, in particular of our fertility journey which can be overwhelming.
Talk about it. Find the right people you feel comfortable sharing your story with. Having a support system and not suffering alone in silence is key.
Care for yourself. Finding ways to unplug and unwind on a weekly basis in this stressful process is super important. Keeping my brain off the stress and the constant feeling of failure was very helpful. Take some time to meditate, walk, workout, eat better, take a bath, or whatever makes you feel relaxed. Also, know that it takes a few months to build stronger eggs. A few months of that process can only be good for you, your body and will definitely help in your fertility journey.
Make. A. Plan! It may freak out your partner, but make it for yourself. Plan your next steps and what you want to do in the worst-case scenarios. Make sure you plan on taking some breaks in the middle! You may say: “I’ll try naturally for x number of months, then I will try this procedure, then this…”. Be open to some options like considering a surrogate or adoption. Get information on costs and timing so you can have an idea of what comes next. I know this is not easy but thinking each month is your last doesn’t help, either. It only creates a ticking time bomb in your head, and you don’t want that.
To all the people trying, you got this. I am here for you if you want to talk. Sending you all much love till the next article. As usual, if you like reading me, please be sure to subscribe or share below.
Let’s Real Talk soon!
Chloe
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